I just moved out to a new place in Ottawa and I'm just getting settled in, trying to find a job and attempting to build copious amounts of Ikea furniture... damn Swedes with their fantastically priced pieces of wood and metal that one day will look like a sofa bed...
Anyways, I figured I should let my loyal followers know what's up. I plan on posting much in the near future so please stay tuned. Unfortunately, since I am no longer living with my brother, I'm looking for something to fill the void left over from the Chris Murray Quote of the Week. Also, as I promised all of my former colleagues at the Laser emporium, there will be a formal goodbye letter and kick-ass poem waiting for you as soon as I have the time to write it. Also, as soon as I catch up with current affairs, I'll write on some sort of controversial issue.
Thanks for keeping yourself updated.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Chris Murray Quote of the Week: August 16/10
About playing baseball in gym class:
"I hit it right back up the middle and hit my supply teacher in the stomach. I kinda felt bad for running to first."
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Who the Hell is in There?: The Vader-Fett Complex
If I wasn't nerdy enough before, this will do it. Those of you who know me probably know that I'm a huge fan of Star Wars. There's something about the original trilogy and the lore surrounding the Star Wars universe that I can't quite explain, but I just love it. Anyways, I watch the original trilogy quite often (and the new ones from time to time to give me a laugh or a Jar Jar Binks drinking game), and it came to my attention that although we know the voice actors of some of the greatest villains of all time, pretty much nobody knows who the people are inside the costumes. I mean, Darth Vader, voiced by James Earl Jones is probably one of the most well-known characters in all of North American pop culture. And for some reason, despite his meager number of appearances and I'm pretty sure only 3 lines in the whole series, Boba Fett is also one of the most recognizable characters. He has a cult following of sorts.
What I'm trying to get at is that it would kind of suck to be the guy in the Darth Vader or Boba Fett costume. First of all, the pay for an on-screen actor with no lines is really shitty. I mean, you can pretty much be replaced by anyone who has the same build. But the fact is, you're in one of the most influential film series of all time and you're in all of these awesome scenes and nobody except maybe your mom knows that it's you. It might be cool to be able to say to yourself, "Wow, I'm fuckin' Darth Vader." but when you go to tell other people, nobody would believe you. And it isn't even the same as with R2-D2 or C-3PO, or Chewbacca. The guy inside C-3PO at least does the voice, and you can at least believe it when a 7-foot tall guy tells you that he's Chewbacca or a little person tells you that they're R2-D2. But poor Darth Vader and Boba Fett. Forced to
live life in anonymity, their place in history completely unknown. Why does this bother me so much? That's a good question. 
Image via Wikipedia
Anyways, I went and looked up who the fellows in the costumes are, and this post is dedicated to them - English bodybuilder David Prowse (Right) as Darth Vader, and Jeremy Bulloch (Left) as Boba Fett.
May the force be with you guys... always.
What I'm trying to get at is that it would kind of suck to be the guy in the Darth Vader or Boba Fett costume. First of all, the pay for an on-screen actor with no lines is really shitty. I mean, you can pretty much be replaced by anyone who has the same build. But the fact is, you're in one of the most influential film series of all time and you're in all of these awesome scenes and nobody except maybe your mom knows that it's you. It might be cool to be able to say to yourself, "Wow, I'm fuckin' Darth Vader." but when you go to tell other people, nobody would believe you. And it isn't even the same as with R2-D2 or C-3PO, or Chewbacca. The guy inside C-3PO at least does the voice, and you can at least believe it when a 7-foot tall guy tells you that he's Chewbacca or a little person tells you that they're R2-D2. But poor Darth Vader and Boba Fett. Forced to
live life in anonymity, their place in history completely unknown. Why does this bother me so much? That's a good question. 
Image via WikipediaAnyways, I went and looked up who the fellows in the costumes are, and this post is dedicated to them - English bodybuilder David Prowse (Right) as Darth Vader, and Jeremy Bulloch (Left) as Boba Fett.
May the force be with you guys... always.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Work With No Chance of Laser Tag? WHAT???
Today I went to work with my Dad. My Dad works at a metal processing plant. I worked at a metal processing plant today. Holy shit does real work ever suck...
As many of you may know, I have a part-time job at Laser Quest (Live action laser tag at it's best). A job at Laser Quest can sometimes be stressful and definitely tiring. But at least no matter how tiring said laser-based work can be, it is not tiring all of the time. We have down days, we have days where we do nothing at all. We have days where one person comes in, we have days where hundreds come in. But I have never found LQ to be mind-numbingly boring. Unfortunately though, LQ doesn't find me valuable enough to give me more than 9 hours a week... So here we are.
Anyways, today I woke up at 5:30 am. Yes. For those of you who don't know, there is a 5:30 in the morning. It is still dark out at said time. Then we embarked off to work where I learned how to make the aluminum bases of industrial smoke detectors (the ones that set off sprinklers in office buildings). So from now on, when you see newly installed smoke detectors in your school or place of business, know that I probably made part of that. Anyways, in order to make this part, you take a bowl-shaped piece of aluminum, about the size of a CD and place it on a press. You then press a button which stamps a weird shaped hole in the top. Then you take that off the press and put it on another stamp while placing another bowl on the first stamp. Press button. Remove first piece and put in a bin. Repeat about 4000 times. That isn't an over-exaggeration. The odometer on my machine read 3820 at the end of the day. I literally did the same three motions for eight-and-a-half hours. One can only wonder how much it would cost to train a Rhesus monkey to do this job. I mean, after the overhead, you wouldn't have to pay it anything because it doesn't have human rights. It was really that easy.
A 70 ton press, the machine I sat at all day -->
The thing about this job was that it was so easy that my mind was not being challenged and there was nothing to keep mind occupied other than the numbers on the odometer. The radio was too far away to hear over the roar of the other machines, one which sounds exactly like an airplane flying low overhead. Not to mention that with the noise you kind of need earplugs. So in your head you're trying to think of other things but really you're just counting every time you hit that button. I made a game of this. You know when Bart gets detention on the Simpson's and he has to lick all of the envelopes? And Skinner gives him advice on how to make it go by faster? I did that. I would count how many I could do in an hour and then try to beat it the next hour. This led to some serious productivity. Another thing I would do is get excited with the patterns in numbers. For instance, I would get excited when I hit 111, 123, 222, 234,333, 345 456, 2345, etc. You have no idea how excited I was when I hit my birthday, my pin number, 2112 (Temples of Syrinx), and especially 3456. That was a high number and a pattern. Now you see why this kind of job can be freelanced out. If you had the same person doing this everyday, they'd probably kill themselves.
It is from this experience that I am even more set on a University education. I definitely won't survive in a world with no mental stimulation. So to all of you, don't give up hope, or you too will be counting numbers on a machine. Or worse! You'll get a machine without a counter!
Another thing I've decided on though, is that I also love money. So I'll be working there tomorrow and all next week as well. Hey, it's not forever.
As many of you may know, I have a part-time job at Laser Quest (Live action laser tag at it's best). A job at Laser Quest can sometimes be stressful and definitely tiring. But at least no matter how tiring said laser-based work can be, it is not tiring all of the time. We have down days, we have days where we do nothing at all. We have days where one person comes in, we have days where hundreds come in. But I have never found LQ to be mind-numbingly boring. Unfortunately though, LQ doesn't find me valuable enough to give me more than 9 hours a week... So here we are.
Anyways, today I woke up at 5:30 am. Yes. For those of you who don't know, there is a 5:30 in the morning. It is still dark out at said time. Then we embarked off to work where I learned how to make the aluminum bases of industrial smoke detectors (the ones that set off sprinklers in office buildings). So from now on, when you see newly installed smoke detectors in your school or place of business, know that I probably made part of that. Anyways, in order to make this part, you take a bowl-shaped piece of aluminum, about the size of a CD and place it on a press. You then press a button which stamps a weird shaped hole in the top. Then you take that off the press and put it on another stamp while placing another bowl on the first stamp. Press button. Remove first piece and put in a bin. Repeat about 4000 times. That isn't an over-exaggeration. The odometer on my machine read 3820 at the end of the day. I literally did the same three motions for eight-and-a-half hours. One can only wonder how much it would cost to train a Rhesus monkey to do this job. I mean, after the overhead, you wouldn't have to pay it anything because it doesn't have human rights. It was really that easy.
A 70 ton press, the machine I sat at all day -->
The thing about this job was that it was so easy that my mind was not being challenged and there was nothing to keep mind occupied other than the numbers on the odometer. The radio was too far away to hear over the roar of the other machines, one which sounds exactly like an airplane flying low overhead. Not to mention that with the noise you kind of need earplugs. So in your head you're trying to think of other things but really you're just counting every time you hit that button. I made a game of this. You know when Bart gets detention on the Simpson's and he has to lick all of the envelopes? And Skinner gives him advice on how to make it go by faster? I did that. I would count how many I could do in an hour and then try to beat it the next hour. This led to some serious productivity. Another thing I would do is get excited with the patterns in numbers. For instance, I would get excited when I hit 111, 123, 222, 234,333, 345 456, 2345, etc. You have no idea how excited I was when I hit my birthday, my pin number, 2112 (Temples of Syrinx), and especially 3456. That was a high number and a pattern. Now you see why this kind of job can be freelanced out. If you had the same person doing this everyday, they'd probably kill themselves.
It is from this experience that I am even more set on a University education. I definitely won't survive in a world with no mental stimulation. So to all of you, don't give up hope, or you too will be counting numbers on a machine. Or worse! You'll get a machine without a counter!
Another thing I've decided on though, is that I also love money. So I'll be working there tomorrow and all next week as well. Hey, it's not forever.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Chris Murray Quote of the Week: August 9/10
At Canada's Wonderland having been kicked out of line already, Chris is trying to sneak on one more ride past closing:
Ride operator woman: Hey, I remember you!
Chris: What if I used one of those Men In Black things on you?
Ride operator woman: Men in Black?
Chris: Yeah, you know, one of those flashing things?
...Moments later: What a bitch. I can't believe I held a straight face through that.
Me: I can't believe you made a Men in Black reference.
A Relationship Blog? NO! DON'T DO IT!
I have decided that it is now time to blog a bit about relationships. I'm not going to go on too long with this, I just have some stuff to say that I need to get out there. I know, you're saying "Oh James, you're so multi-talented. How can you blog about controversial issues, beards, and relationships all in the same week?" *In the background - We love you James! - Make love to me James. Please.* OR "I thought this was a blog about issues facing atheists you sissy fucker. I don't want to hear about no girly relationship issues." To answer the first undoubtedly exclaimed comment, I say thank you, I appreciate the comment but this should only be a one-time thing, then I'll go back to not taking away Casanova's thunder (a much better relationship blog). To the second comment, I'll say the same thing. I like to think that I am very diverse.
Now, today's specific topic is first time relationships. I have some personal experience in this area so listen up. First-time relationships are things that we all go through usually in our mid-teens. We find someone who we think that we like, then we think that we love them, then we realize that we hate them and we were only with them because we thought little of ourselves and to us they were the best we could do. Most of us are out of these "relationships" after a few months, and there isn't that much in the "hard-feelings" department (on the odd occasion, high-school sweethearts do succeed but mostly they just don't). Of course, sometimes these relationships go way past their primes. Like way way past. I had one of these. 2 years and 3 months past it's prime, I was stuck on a girl who treated me like shit, had nothing going for her in the attractive department, couldn't take care of herself, relied on me for everything, and then spit me out at the end. You have to wonder how things like this can go on for so long. It probably is a simple dependency complex. You feel that the other person needs you (or you need them) so much that to leave them would be such a terrible thing to do. You've already convinced yourself that you love them and that you'll be together forever and to leave them is to let yourself down. In your own mind at least.
Now, you might say, "But James, this has never happened to me, maybe you're alone in this". Wrong. I have seen this happen time and time again to some of my other, younger friends. These are people still in the early stages of finding themselves and what they want. Having taken a victory lap, I have the privilege of knowing people younger than myself very well. One terrible example I have seen is concerning a friend I had in first year university. We'll call him Brad and his girlfriend Bradtina. Now, Brad spent the entirety of first week of university trying to get laid like all single guys should do on frosh week. He noticed this great girl that he wanted to go after who was good looking, and very nice. He had the blessing of all of his floor-mates. Then one night, he met Bradtina and they hooked up for some ungodly reason and from then on, they've been attached at the hip. There is a clear reasoning for this - Brad doesn't think enough of himself to think that he deserved a girl who seemed out of his league, so he settled for one that he knew was definitely within his league.
This correlates exactly with the situation that I was in. You watch it happen like watching a train-wreck. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Brad was, as I was, blinded by love. You see, when you "love" somebody, you convince yourself that they are beautiful, and you convince yourself that you cannot possibly live without them. No matter what your good friends tell you about how bad she is for you, you will shrug them off and convince yourself that they don't know what love is. But all the while, you are thinking to yourself, "boy, I hope she dies first so that I can sleep with someone else before I die". You know that you're thinking it Brad, and if you're thinking it, it means that you should find someone else.
We all thought that Brad would snap out of this daze and realize that he has some self worth sooner or later. When the scandal was revealed that she had been thinking about cheating on him, we figured that the horror was over. But here's the thing, he saw the proof in e-mail form and he saw the toll she'd been taking of his wallet and he must have seen that she was using him the whole time. He called her out on it. They had a huge fight, he seemed to have grown some balls, and he threw her out (she was living in his res room). Then less than 24 hours later they were back together because she said some cheesy thing on facebook about how much she'll always love him... blah blah blah. This is an unhealthy relationship. I'd like to say to everyone reading who has pondered whether to break up with someone- DO IT. They are obviously not the ones for you, and you are delaying the inevitable. If you have broken up with someone because they were seeing someone else, STAY BROKEN UP. You will save yourself a lot of hardship. It sucks the first few weeks after, as you mourn for what was. Then you come to see your ex-partner in a light that you never saw them in before. When you break up with someone, you lift the veil and you realize that she was an ugly, self-centered bitch that had nothing in common with you. You can then move on, or stay single for a while because it's fun to look at other chicks (something I have no need to do honey muffin).
I don't regret my first relationship that much because it was a learning experience and I gained perspective out of it and had more respect for myself after. What I do regret is letting it drag out so long. I lost the entirety of my 15-17-year old-hood. Those should have been some of the best years of my life. All of the times I could have chilled with friend at parties, experimenting with drugs. But I couldn't go to because bitch-face didn't want to. All of the hot high-school chicks that I'll never be able to make-out with... These are things that we should all be able to do. When you're in high-school, if your woman, hot or not, gets in the way of you enjoying yourself, get out of it. Unless of course, as my brother just noted, "she's hot and you're banging her all the time". You, and your partner deserve better.
To make a note, I now have a hot girlfriend with whom I can hang out with my friends, have a good conversation, and who cares about herself. Goes to show you that you just have to be picky to get what you deserve.
Also, I obviously just jizzed this onto the keyboard. If it doesn't make sense to you, or you have something to add, please leave a comment.
Now, today's specific topic is first time relationships. I have some personal experience in this area so listen up. First-time relationships are things that we all go through usually in our mid-teens. We find someone who we think that we like, then we think that we love them, then we realize that we hate them and we were only with them because we thought little of ourselves and to us they were the best we could do. Most of us are out of these "relationships" after a few months, and there isn't that much in the "hard-feelings" department (on the odd occasion, high-school sweethearts do succeed but mostly they just don't). Of course, sometimes these relationships go way past their primes. Like way way past. I had one of these. 2 years and 3 months past it's prime, I was stuck on a girl who treated me like shit, had nothing going for her in the attractive department, couldn't take care of herself, relied on me for everything, and then spit me out at the end. You have to wonder how things like this can go on for so long. It probably is a simple dependency complex. You feel that the other person needs you (or you need them) so much that to leave them would be such a terrible thing to do. You've already convinced yourself that you love them and that you'll be together forever and to leave them is to let yourself down. In your own mind at least.
Now, you might say, "But James, this has never happened to me, maybe you're alone in this". Wrong. I have seen this happen time and time again to some of my other, younger friends. These are people still in the early stages of finding themselves and what they want. Having taken a victory lap, I have the privilege of knowing people younger than myself very well. One terrible example I have seen is concerning a friend I had in first year university. We'll call him Brad and his girlfriend Bradtina. Now, Brad spent the entirety of first week of university trying to get laid like all single guys should do on frosh week. He noticed this great girl that he wanted to go after who was good looking, and very nice. He had the blessing of all of his floor-mates. Then one night, he met Bradtina and they hooked up for some ungodly reason and from then on, they've been attached at the hip. There is a clear reasoning for this - Brad doesn't think enough of himself to think that he deserved a girl who seemed out of his league, so he settled for one that he knew was definitely within his league.
This correlates exactly with the situation that I was in. You watch it happen like watching a train-wreck. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Brad was, as I was, blinded by love. You see, when you "love" somebody, you convince yourself that they are beautiful, and you convince yourself that you cannot possibly live without them. No matter what your good friends tell you about how bad she is for you, you will shrug them off and convince yourself that they don't know what love is. But all the while, you are thinking to yourself, "boy, I hope she dies first so that I can sleep with someone else before I die". You know that you're thinking it Brad, and if you're thinking it, it means that you should find someone else. We all thought that Brad would snap out of this daze and realize that he has some self worth sooner or later. When the scandal was revealed that she had been thinking about cheating on him, we figured that the horror was over. But here's the thing, he saw the proof in e-mail form and he saw the toll she'd been taking of his wallet and he must have seen that she was using him the whole time. He called her out on it. They had a huge fight, he seemed to have grown some balls, and he threw her out (she was living in his res room). Then less than 24 hours later they were back together because she said some cheesy thing on facebook about how much she'll always love him... blah blah blah. This is an unhealthy relationship. I'd like to say to everyone reading who has pondered whether to break up with someone- DO IT. They are obviously not the ones for you, and you are delaying the inevitable. If you have broken up with someone because they were seeing someone else, STAY BROKEN UP. You will save yourself a lot of hardship. It sucks the first few weeks after, as you mourn for what was. Then you come to see your ex-partner in a light that you never saw them in before. When you break up with someone, you lift the veil and you realize that she was an ugly, self-centered bitch that had nothing in common with you. You can then move on, or stay single for a while because it's fun to look at other chicks (something I have no need to do honey muffin).
I don't regret my first relationship that much because it was a learning experience and I gained perspective out of it and had more respect for myself after. What I do regret is letting it drag out so long. I lost the entirety of my 15-17-year old-hood. Those should have been some of the best years of my life. All of the times I could have chilled with friend at parties, experimenting with drugs. But I couldn't go to because bitch-face didn't want to. All of the hot high-school chicks that I'll never be able to make-out with... These are things that we should all be able to do. When you're in high-school, if your woman, hot or not, gets in the way of you enjoying yourself, get out of it. Unless of course, as my brother just noted, "she's hot and you're banging her all the time". You, and your partner deserve better.
To make a note, I now have a hot girlfriend with whom I can hang out with my friends, have a good conversation, and who cares about herself. Goes to show you that you just have to be picky to get what you deserve.
Also, I obviously just jizzed this onto the keyboard. If it doesn't make sense to you, or you have something to add, please leave a comment.
Friday, August 6, 2010
The Beard: Your Chin's Best Friend
Now, you may ask: "James, why do you care so much about having a beard?" and here I will answer that question with 8 awesome, random things to do with beards.
1. Some of the most influential people in the history of the world have rocked epic beards. -
Both Karl Marx and Frederich Engels, inventors of communism had insanely cool beards. Also, the inventor of capitalism, economist Adam Smith did NOT have a beard and look how crappy capitalism has been lately. Perhaps if he would have rocked a beard, capitalism would have been more fun. Some other influential bearded people: Shakespeare, Charles Darwin, Leo Tolstoy, Leonardo da Vinci, Santa Claus, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jesus.
2. Beards have a rich history dating back to the dawn of man. - Since humans did not always have tools with which to shave, our earliest ancestors rocked beards, remnants of when their ancestors' entire faces were covered in hair. Up until the time razors were invented, beards were allowed to flow free and unrestricted. And when beards were sported after that, they were often symbols of power. In ancient Egypt, only the most important people were allowed to wear beards, like pharaohs. Even the women pharaohs wore metal imitation beards and these were often also placed on cows because we all know that cows kick ass.
3. Manly men wear beards -
The manliest men that we know of in all time: the Spartans all wore beards. This was because only women and girly-men did not have them. In fact, a common punishment for cowardice in Sparta was to cut off a portion of a man's beard. Oh the shame.
Also, Epic Beard Man has a beard. For those of you unfamiliar with Epic Beard Man, click here.
4. Beards can make you look intimidating-
In fact, one of the primary reasons that I almost always sport a bad-ass goatee is so that I don't get jumped while hanging around Brampton. We all know that people who will jump you in Brampton are in fact mostly pussies who have nothing better to do. Can you imagine a guy with a beard getting jumped? No way. In your imagination, it's always a clean-shaven guy or a guy with little bits of non-beard fluff. The man with the beard never gets jumped. Would you mess with a guy with a beard if you didn't know him?
5. Chuck Norris has a beard -
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
...Nuff said.
6. All of the best ancient philosophers had beards. And they were smart. -
In fact, the ancient Macedonians all shaved, except for philosophers because it was a sign of wisdom. Some bearded philosophers: Agathon, Socrates, Plato, Plutarch, etc. Pretty much everyone except for Aristotle. What an asshole.
7. Beards are EXTREME. -
In religions, the most extreme followers have beards. For example: Hasidic Jews take Judaism to a new level of craziness. They all have beards. Amish people also wear beards. Don't tell me that they're not extreme (they will also never know I said that). Have you ever seen a terrorist Muslim without a beard? That's what I call extremism. Also, I'm gonna say Sikhism is pretty extreme, especially with their beards. Their women have to wear veils to cover up the awesomeness of their beards.
8. Adam Norton has the inability to grow one. (No offense Jon) -
The last reason for why beards are awesome is that Adam Norton cannot grow one. He is a mixture of Swede and Jew that makes him completely incompetent at growing facial hair. As you can tell from the picture below, he can never look intimidating.
His face will also forever be cold during the dark lonely nights.I expect a witty retort for this by the way. Enjoy your penis cookie and your inability to intimidate a grizzly bear the way Nate can.
In conclusion - Beards are evolution's way of favoring Men over Women (at least most of them). How else would we be the protectors of the village without the testosterone levels to make woolly mammoths extinct? Since testosterone makes beards, beards are obviously a key part to our manliness. As the old Greek saying goes,
"There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless—boys and women—and I am neither one." That is all.
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