Dear Creationists...

Alright, so I've been reading some hilarious fundamentalist quotes from FSTDT spurred on by this awesome video sent to me by fellow blogger Dye-Go. This stuff always gets me laughing and also angry at the absurdity of the ignorance in the world. So dear creationist, I have a few things to say to you that you will undoubtedly not take to heart:


1. The "Theory" of Evolution as you so enthusiastically insist on emphasizing, may be a "theory" but that doesn't mean that it's close to being wrong. I don't know if you noticed, but the guy who came up with that "Theory" was a whole crapload smarter than you and he lived in the 1860s. Actually, "theories" (scientific ones at least) that last for over a century and have empirical evidence to support them usually have some merit, especially when you can observe living examples of it and have overwhelming acceptance of influential scientists. When bacterium mutate to adapt to antibiotics, that is literal, observable evidence of evolution. It's only really a theory because there's debate over how exactly it happens (and we're pretty sure on that), not whether it happens at all. There are really very few theories that get to become laws anyways. Especially in biology.

2. Scientists don't use big words because they want to confuse you. You're just fucking stupid. Actually, it's to their dismay when you don't understand simple concepts. As much as they try to lay it out for you, you just really refuse to listen. Deoxyribonucleic acid isn't a big word to confuse you, it's the name of a chemical. I won't even humor you with explaining why not all acids dissolve things.

3. LISTEN!!! Like, holy shit, when an "evolutionist" tries to explain something, try to just listen. Hear them out. It's not that complicated. I love the question: "If humans really did evolve from monkeys, how come babies aren't born monkeys?" OR "It took several million years for a monkey to turn into a man? Oh right, monkeys don't live several million years". This is flat out failing to try to grasp a concept altogether. Maybe you should try to just open your ears. Or close one because things just go in one and out the other.

4. It just sounds silly when you say that the earth is only 6 thousand years old. There are cultures that we know were around for well past that time, let alone all the other sheer overwhelming evidence from the fossil record. Why does it sound more likely to you that a magical man in the sky put rocks and carbon dating there to test your faith than that the earth is just really old. It's not even that damning to your religion. I mean if people are able to believe the magical man in the sky thing, I'm pretty sure they'll be cool with the earth being old thing.

I have some more stuff to say so there might eventually be a part 2 to this post. I feel ranty today.

God is Ego.

Today I had the unpleasant experience of getting into an argument with my boss about God. As an Atheist you know which stance I took but he defended his claims that there is an omnipotent force watching over us out there. His proof was that there must be something out there because karma exists. He says that there is a balance of positive and negative energy. Blah blah blah... "The Secret". He didn't specifically say "The Secret" but he used the same bullshit reasoning that if you send positive energy out into the universe through the laws of attraction positive things will come back to you. Despite the fact that brainwaves and good deeds don't have charges, and if they did, as most people know (or don't), opposites attract and like charges repel. Through this logic, good thoughts or "energy" would attract bad things. Therefore, everyone should do terrible things to each other.

Anyways, as I delicately attempted to pick apart his stupid "logic" and pseudoscientific reasoning he said to me something like: "yes, maybe those good things are coincidences but I truly believe that some things are gifts for doing good..." blah blah blah he tells me about something good that happened to him. This is a reasoning that a lot of people use to "prove" the existence of a higher power. The fact is, when you receive something out of the blue, there are millions upon millions of people who receive nothing. Let me use the lottery as an example. One day there's a guy who kind of believes there might be something out there but is teetering on the belief scale. But he wins millions of dollars in the lottery one day and all of the sudden it's a gift from God. God obviously loves him and that is why he won, it's not the one in 100 million chance that randomly happened to be his numbers. I realized that a large amount of people gain faith when they win the lottery (see that lottery show that I can't remember the name of but just started on TV). This is an entirely egoistic point of view. These people believe that they were special enough to be chosen by God to win the lottery. They forgot about the part where millions of other people lost 10 bucks. The same goes for the less extreme examples of where you received X because of good karma.

What I want to say is that the Universe is fucking gigantic. I mean, it is huge to the point of disbelief. That in itself is really amazing and if I were to be a believer it would be that. Of course, then you have to realize that a "creator" would have probably invented the universe and then lost interest in the pitiful lives of us insignificant, lowly humans. Saying that you deserve something more than others in a cosmic sense is borderline retarded. Not only with winning things or not dying in a car crash or whatever, but also with things like faith healing. While you may have miraculously recovered from some ailment, it doesn't take away the fact that probably thousands of other people died from that same ailment and you are frankly the anomaly in the percentage that survived. Crazy, unpredictable, unlikely things happen. In fact, if it can happen, it probably will happen some percentage of the time. It doesn't mean that someone is looking out for you alone. If you believe that, you are narrow-mindedly closing yourself out from the harsh realities of the rest of the suffering in the world.

Therefore, God is often the interpretation that narrow-mined people have about random chance since they don't understand statistical probability. If you have a reason for believing in God, please don't let it be good things happening to you. If you live in a first-world country, good things have a high probability of happening to you. Please, readers, weigh in. That is all.

Why Atheism blogs have readers.

One of the great things about being an atheist is that you can start a crappy blog and a bunch of reasonable, confused teenagers trying to figure out what they believe will undoubtedly google "The pros of atheism" to help them decide whether they want to be full-blown atheists, agnostics (or as I like to call them, atheists without balls), or if they want to put a jihad on the infidels. This search will undoubtedly lead them to several wikipedia pages, the league of American atheists, some Richard Dawkins stuff, and some Youtube videos. But after going to like page 1220 or something they will stumble upon this blog and I will gain me some readers. It is from here that I will start my world domination MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

So hello to all of you confused teenagers. You have come here for one of many reasons:

a) When you realized the tooth fairy wasn't real you were like "whoa!", when the easter bunny wasn't real you were like "I shoulda seen it coming after the tooth fairy wasn't real but WHOA!" and when you found out Santa Claus wasn't real you were like "those lying bastards!". Then you probably wondered what else wasn't real and a magical man in the sky who controls the weather sounded less plausible all of the sudden.

b) You watched a lot of discovery channel as a kid and learning about evolution was interesting to you and seemed to make sense. Then when you mentioned it at school all the kids yelled at you because they "aint come from no monkeys!". This led you to do further research to prove them wrong.

c) Some tragic thing happened to you. Sorry for your loss. (Note: this can have the opposite effect and drive people towards religion. To avoid this from happening, don't let anybody die.)

...Or a plethora (always wanted to have to type that word) of other reasons. I want to let you know that you have come to the right place. Hopefully over the next while, if I don't get bored of this and decide to abort the blog, I will address the problems facing our moral minority in a hopefully humorous and intelligent way. I love comments and feedback. For instance, let me know if you have a different reason for being a non-believer than the ones stated above. For now,
May the force be with you. Always.