Work With No Chance of Laser Tag? WHAT???

Today I went to work with my Dad. My Dad works at a metal processing plant. I worked at a metal processing plant today. Holy shit does real work ever suck...

As many of you may know, I have a part-time job at Laser Quest (Live action laser tag at it's best). A job at Laser Quest can sometimes be stressful and definitely tiring. But at least no matter how tiring said laser-based work can be, it is not tiring all of the time. We have down days, we have days where we do nothing at all. We have days where one person comes in, we have days where hundreds come in. But I have never found LQ to be mind-numbingly boring. Unfortunately though, LQ doesn't find me valuable enough to give me more than 9 hours a week... So here we are.

Anyways, today I woke up at 5:30 am. Yes. For those of you who don't know, there is a 5:30 in the morning. It is still dark out at said time. Then we embarked off to work where I learned how to make the aluminum bases of industrial smoke detectors (the ones that set off sprinklers in office buildings). So from now on, when you see newly installed smoke detectors in your school or place of business, know that I probably made part of that. Anyways, in order to make this part, you take a bowl-shaped piece of aluminum, about the size of a CD and place it on a press. You then press a button which stamps a weird shaped hole in the top. Then you take that off the press and put it on another stamp while placing another bowl on the first stamp. Press button. Remove first piece and put in a bin. Repeat about 4000 times. That isn't an over-exaggeration. The odometer on my machine read 3820 at the end of the day. I literally did the same three motions for eight-and-a-half hours. One can only wonder how much it would cost to train a Rhesus monkey to do this job. I mean, after the overhead, you wouldn't have to pay it anything because it doesn't have human rights. It was really that easy.

A 70 ton press, the machine I sat at all day -->

The thing about this job was that it was so easy that my mind was not being challenged and there was nothing to keep mind occupied other than the numbers on the odometer. The radio was too far away to hear over the roar of the other machines, one which sounds exactly like an airplane flying low overhead. Not to mention that with the noise you kind of need earplugs. So in your head you're trying to think of other things but really you're just counting every time you hit that button. I made a game of this. You know when Bart gets detention on the Simpson's and he has to lick all of the envelopes? And Skinner gives him advice on how to make it go by faster? I did that. I would count how many I could do in an hour and then try to beat it the next hour. This led to some serious productivity. Another thing I would do is get excited with the patterns in numbers. For instance, I would get excited when I hit 111, 123, 222, 234,333, 345 456, 2345, etc. You have no idea how excited I was when I hit my birthday, my pin number, 2112 (Temples of Syrinx), and especially 3456. That was a high number and a pattern. Now you see why this kind of job can be freelanced out. If you had the same person doing this everyday, they'd probably kill themselves.

It is from this experience that I am even more set on a University education. I definitely won't survive in a world with no mental stimulation. So to all of you, don't give up hope, or you too will be counting numbers on a machine. Or worse! You'll get a machine without a counter!

Another thing I've decided on though, is that I also love money. So I'll be working there tomorrow and all next week as well. Hey, it's not forever.

Chris Murray Quote of the Week: August 9/10

At Canada's Wonderland having been kicked out of line already, Chris is trying to sneak on one more ride past closing:

Ride operator woman: Hey, I remember you!

Chris: What if I used one of those Men In Black things on you?

Ride operator woman: Men in Black?

Chris: Yeah, you know, one of those flashing things?

...Moments later: What a bitch. I can't believe I held a straight face through that.

Me: I can't believe you made a Men in Black reference.

A Relationship Blog? NO! DON'T DO IT!

I have decided that it is now time to blog a bit about relationships. I'm not going to go on too long with this, I just have some stuff to say that I need to get out there. I know, you're saying "Oh James, you're so multi-talented. How can you blog about controversial issues, beards, and relationships all in the same week?" *In the background - We love you James! - Make love to me James. Please.* OR "I thought this was a blog about issues facing atheists you sissy fucker. I don't want to hear about no girly relationship issues." To answer the first undoubtedly exclaimed comment, I say thank you, I appreciate the comment but this should only be a one-time thing, then I'll go back to not taking away Casanova's thunder (a much better relationship blog). To the second comment, I'll say the same thing. I like to think that I am very diverse.

Now, today's specific topic is first time relationships. I have some personal experience in this area so listen up. First-time relationships are things that we all go through usually in our mid-teens. We find someone who we think that we like, then we think that we love them, then we realize that we hate them and we were only with them because we thought little of ourselves and to us they were the best we could do. Most of us are out of these "relationships" after a few months, and there isn't that much in the "hard-feelings" department (on the odd occasion, high-school sweethearts do succeed but mostly they just don't). Of course, sometimes these relationships go way past their primes. Like way way past. I had one of these. 2 years and 3 months past it's prime, I was stuck on a girl who treated me like shit, had nothing going for her in the attractive department, couldn't take care of herself, relied on me for everything, and then spit me out at the end. You have to wonder how things like this can go on for so long. It probably is a simple dependency complex. You feel that the other person needs you (or you need them) so much that to leave them would be such a terrible thing to do. You've already convinced yourself that you love them and that you'll be together forever and to leave them is to let yourself down. In your own mind at least.

Now, you might say, "But James, this has never happened to me, maybe you're alone in this". Wrong. I have seen this happen time and time again to some of my other, younger friends. These are people still in the early stages of finding themselves and what they want. Having taken a victory lap, I have the privilege of knowing people younger than myself very well. One terrible example I have seen is concerning a friend I had in first year university. We'll call him Brad and his girlfriend Bradtina. Now, Brad spent the entirety of first week of university trying to get laid like all single guys should do on frosh week. He noticed this great girl that he wanted to go after who was good looking, and very nice. He had the blessing of all of his floor-mates. Then one night, he met Bradtina and they hooked up for some ungodly reason and from then on, they've been attached at the hip. There is a clear reasoning for this - Brad doesn't think enough of himself to think that he deserved a girl who seemed out of his league, so he settled for one that he knew was definitely within his league. This correlates exactly with the situation that I was in. You watch it happen like watching a train-wreck. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Brad was, as I was, blinded by love. You see, when you "love" somebody, you convince yourself that they are beautiful, and you convince yourself that you cannot possibly live without them. No matter what your good friends tell you about how bad she is for you, you will shrug them off and convince yourself that they don't know what love is. But all the while, you are thinking to yourself, "boy, I hope she dies first so that I can sleep with someone else before I die". You know that you're thinking it Brad, and if you're thinking it, it means that you should find someone else.

We all thought that Brad would snap out of this daze and realize that he has some self worth sooner or later. When the scandal was revealed that she had been thinking about cheating on him, we figured that the horror was over. But here's the thing, he saw the proof in e-mail form and he saw the toll she'd been taking of his wallet and he must have seen that she was using him the whole time. He called her out on it. They had a huge fight, he seemed to have grown some balls, and he threw her out (she was living in his res room). Then less than 24 hours later they were back together because she said some cheesy thing on facebook about how much she'll always love him... blah blah blah. This is an unhealthy relationship. I'd like to say to everyone reading who has pondered whether to break up with someone- DO IT. They are obviously not the ones for you, and you are delaying the inevitable. If you have broken up with someone because they were seeing someone else, STAY BROKEN UP. You will save yourself a lot of hardship. It sucks the first few weeks after, as you mourn for what was. Then you come to see your ex-partner in a light that you never saw them in before. When you break up with someone, you lift the veil and you realize that she was an ugly, self-centered bitch that had nothing in common with you. You can then move on, or stay single for a while because it's fun to look at other chicks (something I have no need to do honey muffin).

I don't regret my first relationship that much because it was a learning experience and I gained perspective out of it and had more respect for myself after. What I do regret is letting it drag out so long. I lost the entirety of my 15-17-year old-hood. Those should have been some of the best years of my life. All of the times I could have chilled with friend at parties, experimenting with drugs. But I couldn't go to because bitch-face didn't want to. All of the hot high-school chicks that I'll never be able to make-out with... These are things that we should all be able to do. When you're in high-school, if your woman, hot or not, gets in the way of you enjoying yourself, get out of it. Unless of course, as my brother just noted, "she's hot and you're banging her all the time". You, and your partner deserve better.

To make a note, I now have a hot girlfriend with whom I can hang out with my friends, have a good conversation, and who cares about herself. Goes to show you that you just have to be picky to get what you deserve.

Also, I obviously just jizzed this onto the keyboard. If it doesn't make sense to you, or you have something to add, please leave a comment.

The Beard: Your Chin's Best Friend

Image via Wikipedia

For some reason, over the last three or four years, I have become slightly obsessed with beards. They are pretty awesome. Ever since I grew my very first facial hairs, I have wanted to grow a kick-ass beard. I have come close at times, rocking the chinny, the mustache, or both in combination. For a while I even sported a chin-strap. By the time I am 25 I want to have at least once grown an epic beard like this one:


Now, you may ask: "James, why do you care so much about having a beard?" and here I will answer that question with 8 awesome, random things to do with beards.

Image via Wikipedia

1. Some of the most influential people in the history of the world have rocked epic beards. -
Both Karl Marx and Frederich Engels, inventors of communism had insanely cool beards. Also, the inventor of capitalism, economist Adam Smith did NOT have a beard and look how crappy capitalism has been lately. Perhaps if he would have rocked a beard, capitalism would have been more fun. Some other influential bearded people: Shakespeare, Charles Darwin, Leo Tolstoy, Leonardo da Vinci, Santa Claus, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jesus.

Image via Wikipedia

Inventors of communism, Karl Marx and Frederich Engels both rocked some epic beards. Even better than that of Jesus.



2. Beards have a rich history dating back to the dawn of man. - Since humans did not always have tools with which to shave, our earliest ancestors rocked beards, remnants of when their ancestors' entire faces were covered in hair. Up until the time razors were invented, beards were allowed to flow free and unrestricted. And when beards were sported after that, they were often symbols of power. In ancient Egypt, only the most important people were allowed to wear beards, like pharaohs. Even the women pharaohs wore metal imitation beards and these were often also placed on cows because we all know that cows kick ass.

3. Manly men wear beards -
The manliest men that we know of in all time: the Spartans all wore beards. This was because only women and girly-men did not have them. In fact, a common punishment for cowardice in Sparta was to cut off a portion of a man's beard. Oh the shame.
Also, Epic Beard Man has a beard. For those of you unfamiliar with Epic Beard Man, click here.

4. Beards can make you look intimidating-
In fact, one of the primary reasons that I almost always sport a bad-ass goatee is so that I don't get jumped while hanging around Brampton. We all know that people who will jump you in Brampton are in fact mostly pussies who have nothing better to do. Can you imagine a guy with a beard getting jumped? No way. In your imagination, it's always a clean-shaven guy or a guy with little bits of non-beard fluff. The man with the beard never gets jumped. Would you mess with a guy with a beard if you didn't know him?

5. Chuck Norris has a beard -

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.


...Nuff said.

6. All of the best ancient philosophers had beards. And they were smart. -
In fact, the ancient Macedonians all shaved, except for philosophers because it was a sign of wisdom. Some bearded philosophers: Agathon, Socrates, Plato, Plutarch, etc. Pretty much everyone except for Aristotle. What an asshole.

7. Beards are EXTREME. -
In religions, the most extreme followers have beards. For example: Hasidic Jews take Judaism to a new level of craziness. They all have beards. Amish people also wear beards. Don't tell me that they're not extreme (they will also never know I said that). Have you ever seen a terrorist Muslim without a beard? That's what I call extremism. Also, I'm gonna say Sikhism is pretty extreme, especially with their beards. Their women have to wear veils to cover up the awesomeness of their beards.

8. Adam Norton has the inability to grow one. (No offense Jon) -
The last reason for why beards are awesome is that Adam Norton cannot grow one. He is a mixture of Swede and Jew that makes him completely incompetent at growing facial hair. As you can tell from the picture below, he can never look intimidating.
His face will also forever be cold during the dark lonely nights.
I expect a witty retort for this by the way. Enjoy your penis cookie and your inability to intimidate a grizzly bear the way Nate can.


In conclusion - Beards are evolution's way of favoring Men over Women (at least most of them). How else would we be the protectors of the village without the testosterone levels to make woolly mammoths extinct? Since testosterone makes beards, beards are obviously a key part to our manliness. As the old Greek saying goes,
"There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless—boys and women—and I am neither one." That is all.

Prop 8: Another Time Where What You Think Shouldn't Matter.

We all love democracy (unless you don't) but sometimes democracy can be wrong. This is kind of like in one of my earlier posts where I complained about opinion polls on major news networks. Just because you believe something to be true, doesn't mean that it is. This is especially true when people who have no authority on a matter get to decide what is right for other people.

For those of you who might be unfamiliar with California Proposition 8 (or the California Marriage Protection Act [a loaded title if I ever heard one]), was a ballot proposition and a constitutional amendment in November of 2008 to add a new provision to Section 7.5 of the declaration of rights that provides that "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California". This Proposition Passed. It was put to a vote and a sufficient number of people voted "Yes". Yesterday though, a California Judge overturned Prop 8, calling it "unconstitutional". Let me say, thank science that there are still rational people out there. Maybe I'm biased because I'm pro gay-marriage but if you don't like it you can eff-off to another blog.

So what I really want to get at here is the flaw of democracy. The problem is that everyone can vote. "Well hold on there..." you will possibly say, "...democracy wouldn't be democracy if not everyone could vote". That is true reader, and we all know that "democracy is the worst form of government except for all the others that have been tried" as Winston Churchill once said. This proposition 8 thing probably shouldn't have been voted on at all then because gay people getting married doesn't affect you unless you are gay. As much as the naysayers will go on about the bull-shit "sanctity of marriage" with a 50% divorce rate and OH JESUS THINK OF THE CHILDREN! because they need a Mother and a Father figure even though they're growing up in a loving family this does not affect you.

Logically, there should not be a referendum on issues that do not affect the general public. Especially when in the constitution it already states that all equals have the right to marry. That's right, they made an amendment to deprive people of their rights and that was OK! The turn-out for this vote was so high because so many damned people were adamant about getting in other people's business. This is my problem with the Christian right. I am not deluded, and it would be better if you weren't deluded but that's alright because your delusion does not really affect me. My problem is that when your religious delusions transfer into law, you affect people who do not share your own view on morality.

With Prop 8, Gay people (who only make up about 10% of the population) had to also get 41% of the population who are straight people to vote with them. For this election, voter turnout was especially high with a turnout of almost 80% of the population. Of course, most of those people were people who couldn't mind their own business like Christians, Republicans, and Old People. Still, the vote was surprisingly close with 52% yes and 48% no.

When this proposition was struck down yesterday by a California Judge, he effectively said, "I am smarter than you, I have qualifications, I know the constitution, you do not. We will go forward with civil rights." And so, right prevailed even though the wrong voted on it. This went against the normal rules of democracy. God bless America.

Ground-Zero Mosque: Exercise in Hate or Just an Overreaction?

I'm going to address something now in a way that will probably be unexpected for a known Atheist and Anti-theist. I figure in order to stir up some controversy, I'll post about the proposed ground-zero mosque. I'm not an expert on the subject and I frankly don't care for the building of any places of mass delusion, but I do know that those opposed to the building of this mosque probably have the wrong reasons for opposing it.

For those of you who don't know, there are approved plans for the construction of a giant mosque/community center about 2 blocks away from ground-zero in New York City. To put that in perspective, the building being knocked down to make way for the Islamic community center was hit with airplane debris.

But I digress, because this is not the stance that I will take here. I have things to say to both sides of the controversy.

A lot of people are upset that there will be a safe-haven for Muslims in the area who we all know were the people who carried out the 9/11 attacks. I mean, isn't it so distasteful to laugh in the face of the heroes who lost their lives saving those people and of the innocent people who died? As one woman put it so very well on a sign she upheld at a protest: "Don't glorify murders of 3,000. No 9/11 victory mosque".

I don't want to come off insensitive but I really think people forgot what diversity there was in the lives lost in the attacks. There were Muslims who undoubtedly lost their lives in the attacks as well. This community center will be operated by a group called the Cordoba Initiative which plans to give a voice to moderate Muslims. What do people think will happen if there was a community center where moderate Muslims have a chance to talk things out? Do they really think these people will be mobilized by the "victory" at ground zero? I think that people have lost track of who the attackers were- extremist Muslims who were at war with western values, not moderate Muslims who want their own place on the tip of Manhattan. I think this is another instance where people's sentiments get the best of them. They hear "mosque on ground-zero" and the only connections their brains can make are "Mosque = Muslim, Muslim + Ground Zero = Bad therefore, Mosque + Ground Zero = Bad. As my own father said to me when he heard about the news: (paraphrasing) "They're taking over. This is a stepping stone in their plan. If there's a mosque at ground zero then they're going to start recruiting from there." I disagree though, especially since this Cordoba Initiative has been entirely transparent so far. Moderate Muslims are the kinds of Muslims that you want around if you have to have Muslims around. They're fairly peaceful people with strange customs like insane cleanliness and prayer. They don't condone violence; if they did, it would make them extremists. I think that the one-track mindset that Americans have of a war against Islam needs to be re-directed into a war on fundamentalism, no matter the religion being associated with it.

That being said, I'm talking to you, moderate Muslims who undoubtedly will never gaze upon this page: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? Stop disturbing shit. You knew that people were going to be pissed. Yes, I know there are a lot of you, and like every religion, you like to push yourself into places where you're not wanted but holy jumping Jesus, why there? Why at ground zero? Do you want people to be angry with you? Do you know how tacky that is? Yes you have the right to build anything you want on the land that you bought, but that doesn't mean that you should. As much as people might be overreacting and as much as they're allowing their silly imaginations to run wild about terrorist training schools in the middle of Manhattan, it doesn't make it right. If you really want people to convert to Islam and embrace it, you should probably not be dicks, or else you'll just be attracting the crowd that actually blows stuff up; and the last thing you need is more bad P.R. Not that I care, because as I will undoubtedly tackle in future posts, I'm terrified of Islam so the less of you the better.

So that's what I've got.

More than anything I'm determined not to take the side of Newt Gingrich who wrote on his website, "The time for double standards that allow Islamists to behave aggressively toward us while they demand our weakness and submission is over," adding that the decision over whether to build the facility was "a test of the timidity, passivity and historic ignorance of American elites." And as always I won't take the side of Sarah Palin who wrote in a facebook message to her followers: "Many Americans, myself included, feel it would be an intolerable and tragic mistake to allow such a project ... to go forward on such hallowed ground".

All of this wishy-washy sentimental, right-wing bullshit always runs well with ignorant Americans who are always upset when people with a separate point-of-view get their way.

So readers, I beg you, let me know what you think of all this. This is one of those times where I might just be barking up the wrong tree.

Funniest Commercial Ever.

I don't know why, but every time I see this Keystone Light commercial, I can't stop laughing. Base humor? Yes. Do I care? No.